


Trying To Replace The Love That I Fake

by RedPhoneBooth



Category: Connor Franta (YouTube RPF), Troye Sivan (Youtube RPF), tronnor - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Photographer, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Coming Out, Famous Troye, Fluff, M/M, Music, Musicians, Photographer Connor, Singer Troye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 22:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5350463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPhoneBooth/pseuds/RedPhoneBooth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Troye's a famous singer who makes Connor realise why he never fell in love with all the girls he used to date.<br/>Lots of fluff, cute dates, and kissing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying To Replace The Love That I Fake

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I wrote this thing not so long ago and finally finished it! I just have a lot of Tronnor feels lately, so come cry with me in the comments.  
> If I forgot to tag anything, don't hesitate to message me, and please leave kudos, they are muchmuch appreciated. Sorry, no smut in this one. I couldn't those two are too innocent. Maybe some other time.
> 
> You can find me on:  
> [Tumblr](http://redphonebooth3.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedPhoneBooth3)
> 
> Yes, I do have an obsession with Troye's amazing big eyes, they are beautitful. Fight me!
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> !! PLEASE DO NOT SEND THIS TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE MENTIONED !!

It was his first big job at the magazine he’d started working at. He’d done little things there before, but he’d never photographed and actual famous person. Connor entered the room feeling slightly (read: a lot) nervous, and he didn’t even know the guy. He set up his camera with shaky hands and fiddled with the settings out of boredom while trying to remember the pop star's name. His client was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago and Connor’s nerves turned into agitation. Freaking famous people think they can get away with anything, right?

The door to the studio opened to reveal a hasty boy, he was very slim with long limbs, artfully askew curly hair and big blue eyes. “Sorry, sorry. Apologies to keep you waiting. The interview took longer than expected and traffic was a bitch.” The boy took a deep breath to steady himself. “Hi, I’m Troye.” The Australian accent gave a cute twist to everything he said. He stuck out his hand and Connor shook it, introducing himself.

“Connor. It’s all good. Just take a breath and we’ll get started.” Connor reassured him with a smile, his prejudice evaporating. How could anyone hold it against him when Troye looked like a little puppy? The boy in question gave him a huge smile back which lit up his eyes.

‘It was not going to be hard taking good pictures of him’ Connor thought, but quickly shook his head to rid himself of it as he checked once more on the already right settings just to have something to do. Troye quickly announced he was good to go and sat himself on the single stool which was placed in the middle of a stark white backdrop.

“So,” Troye began, dragging out the word as he took on a pose. “How’d you get into photography?”

Smalltalk, okay, Connor could deal with smalltalk while he was working. He wasn’t exactly sure how these things went down, but fuck it. “I always kinda liked it. At first it was just a hobby, but I’m very happy it’s my job now. How d’you get into.. Sorry what is it that you do?”

“I’m a musician, I sing. Did some acting when I was younger, but I guess music is what really gives me enough freedom to express myself. It’s kind of a similar story, music was always a big thing in my life, it got me through some pretty big milestones and now I get to share it with people as a job.”

“That’s really cool. My mom used to tell me to put the camera down and see outside the screen. But it was just my way of not forgetting moments.”

“My mum actually told me to wary of camera’s since they could often be used against people. Especially in this business, but then again, I don’t have anything to hide and I wear my secrets like an armour. I read that somewhere and it’s always stuck with me.”

“Everything’s out there then?” Connor grabbed the camera of his tripod to play around with angles.

“Yep, I went into my contract making sure my label understood that I am me and if they didn’t like it, I didn’t want it. It was a risky choice, but there aren’t enough lgbt artist out there and I wanted to be that. I felt that as someone who is quite close to his fans, it would mean a lot.”

“Oh, that’s really brave.” Connor hadn’t seen that one coming and it must’ve shone through in his voice.

“Is there a problem.” Troye’s face hardened a bit.

“No, of course not.” Connor frowned. “I was just taken aback. it’s not often people in your field are out and proud, especially at such a young age.”

“I didn’t want to hide a part of myself that I was so confident in already. It’d feel like lying and I don’t lie.” Troye relaxed again as he explained.

“So, what kinda music do you make?”

A that,Troye jumped off the stool and waved his phone. “Do you mind?”

“Go for it.” Connor said with a shrug. Troye walked away from the backdrop to where the seating area was and synced his phone with the little speaker he’d carried with him in his bag. The sound of a kids’ choir singing ‘wild’ filled the room. Troye immediately started singing along to his own music and danced around.

Connor lifted the camera and starting taking pictures of the fairy-like boy. He looked a lot more in his element and his demeanor changed from this buzzing bee to a serious artist. Connor knew these pictures would turn out so much better than the ones he was supposed to take.

As the song progressed, Troye was swallowed up more and more by the music. Connor was in awe of him and the pictures did turn out so wonderful. “I’m sorry.” The song had ended and Troye had come back from his little world inside his head. “I’m totally ruining this shoot.”

“No! No, absolutely not. That was so much better that anything could have ever been in that artificial setting. I like when stuff is authentic and real. Everyone can pose, but what you showed was emotion. It shows in the pictures. Come look.” Connor waved him over and tilted the screen for Troye to see.

“These are beautiful, Connor.” Their fingers brushed when Troye took hold of the camera and flicked through the images. Connor stopped him when it switched to the ones with the backdrop.

“Can you see the difference?” Connor clicked back and forth between one with and one without the white background. “This one is so much more real. Some people can be pretty, but that doesn’t mean they make a photo look good. It’s what you can see in those people’s expression that makes or breaks one.”

“Did you just call me pretty?” Troye flirted with a pink dusting his cheeks.

Connor laughed awkwardly and kept his eyes firmly on the screen of his camera. “Well, you’re quite good-looking, I’d say. I think anyone can see that.” Connor’s eyes did find Troye’s then and they lingered for a moment too long. “We uh, we should get on with the shoot.”

Troye frowned a little, but nodded. This time, Connor told him to use the whole room to his liking and move around. Troye did, dancing and singing to his own music, but grabbed his phone to change it to the strangest of songs.

There was Miley Cyrus’ Party In The USA, next to One Direction's What Makes You Beautiful which led Troye to tell a story about how he met Harry Styles once and asked to braid his hair. Connor couldn’t stop laughing at it for five minutes after Troye had told the whole thing. Troye himself was laughing throughout telling the memory and Connor had taken a billion photo’s of him mid-laugh.

Connor gave his own input every now and then, but it was Troye who told all the stories that made them both laugh. Troye even once fell off the stool and Connor had come to stand above him to catch him clutching his stomach.

There was also a lot of strange dancing which Troye somehow managed to get Connor to do with him. Connor had set his camera to record as they did a rendition of the macarena followed by the two boys singing ABBA’s Dancing Queen like it was still the seventies.

At the end of the session, when both had had enough exercise for the day and wiped away the tears of their laughter, Troye came to him. “This is the most fun I’ve had in a long while. We should hang out sometime.” Troye grabbed his hand and a pen and wrote down his number before gathering all his stuff.

He left Connor speechless with a wink right before disappearing out the door. Connor didn’t know how long he’d stood there looking between the numbers on his skin and the door at the end of the room.

‘What does he mean?’ was the only question going through his mind. Was it meant to be hang out as a… date? friend? Connor didn’t know, but he wasn’t gay. At least, he didn’t think so. Troye had managed to make Connor question himself and what he believed to be him in the span of a few hours.

He snapped back into this world and packed up his stuff, pondering about what had happened the whole tube ride home.

 

Connor was about to step into the shower when he stared again at the ink-stained hand. The digits burning his skin evoqued so many questions, a constant tug of war between should he or shouldn’t he. His body responded for him, impulsively reaching for his phone in the pocket of his jeans which were discarded on the floor and typing in the number to send a simple message.

Hi, Connor here :)

The phone was thrown on the pile of clothes before he let the spray cascade over him. The hot water calmed the storm in his head and washed away his spiralling thoughts down the drain. Instead he focussed on all the tasks he had yet to do: find the right photo’s, send them to his editor, make dinner, make coffee, catch up on all the tv shows he’s missed,... Soon the message was pushed somewhere far back in his mind.

It wasn’t until he checked his social media feeds when he was already lying in bed that he noticed the notification of a text. His thumb hovered over the notification, he could see the preview already, but the lettres wouldn’t form words. He clicked it and on the screen appeared a reply underneath his own sent message.

Hi, Connor. Fancy going for a cup of coffee tomorrow? Troye x

Now, he could over analyse this and have a million questions running through his head while having a minor meltdown about if they x at the end is of any relevance and what exactly Troye means by getting a cup of coffee… Or he could just say fuck it and go.

That seemed like a much simpler option.

When and where?

He added, then deleted, then added and deleted the kiss at the end before sending it off in mild panic. He jumped when the phone buzzed against his chest.

Eleven at the coffeeshop next to the studio. Cool! See you then ;-)

Something warm and unfamiliar bloomed in Connor chest as he read the text with a smile. He silenced his phone, putting it on the nightstand and switched the light off. Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

&&

Thirty minutes. That’s how long he’s been trying to fix his hair, let’s not even start about how long it took for him to pick an outfit. All for getting a coffee with a person he wasn’t sure what to expect of. Eventually Connor threw a maroon beanie over his hair, deciding it probably wouldn’t look how he wanted it.

The metro seemed to take forever, yet he arrived too soon to his liking. Connor gave himself a mental pep talk, breathed in deep once and walked into the building straight to the counter and gave his complicated order plus his name.

He turned to face the tables and scanned the room for a familiar face which he found tucked all the way in the furthest corner. After he received his drink from the girl, he approached the table on shaky legs.

“H-hey.” Connor stuttered. Troye looked up and immediately the expression changed from trying not to look suspicious to a lit up christmas tree, as he pulled off his hood and glasses. “You do know that your hoodie and the sunglasses make it look even more obvious, right?” Few, that was close. Connor thought for a moment he wouldn’t get a word out the moment he’d look into those giant blue orbs, but luckily he managed to keep up his sassy old self.

“Hi.” Troye almost blinded Connor with his pearly white smile, but Connor just smiled back instead. “For you it does, but you’d be surprised at how it can be helpful sometimes.” Troye gestured for Connor to sit which he did.

“So, what’s--”  “How are--”

They both started at the same time, stopping once their words tumbled over each other’s and laughed lightly. Connor looked down at his cup and fiddled with the rim, but Troye on the other hand was looking at Connor, studying every feature of his face. Connor could feel the eyes on him after a while and looked up again shyly.

“W-what.” He giggled slightly.

Troye shook his head in amusement. “Nothing, you’re just very nice to look at.” Connor’s mouth gaped open slightly and showed how the statement caught him by surprise. Troye shrunk in on himself immediately and scrambled to take it back. “Sorry, was that too forward?”

“I-um. I..” Connor didn’t really know how to answer that. Everything about this boy in front of him was so confusing. Eventually, he couldn’t take his racing mind anymore and spewed out the first question that reached his lips before the other nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine. “What is this?”

It was Troye’s turn to be surprised now. “What do you mean?” He tilted his head and frowned.

“This.” Connor gestured between them. “Is this just hanging out as friends? or…?” He left the unspoken words hang between them uncomfortably in the air.

Troye looked at him like he was an idiot. “You’re an idiot. I like you, I want to get to know you better. This is a date, of course. I thought that was clear by the heavy flirting and especially giving you my number.”

Connor’s nerves went through the roof. “Oh, Um. I’ve just-- I’m not-- I thought--” He couldn’t find the words and out of pure frustration dropped his head on the table with a thump and groaned.

“Everything alright?” Troye’s concern clear in his voice before he let out an understanding ‘oh’. “I’m not really your type, am I?” It didn’t sounds so much as a question as it did a fact.

Connor sat back up and inhaled for seven then exhaled for five seconds, eyes closed to focus on just that. He decided to answer as honestly as he could. “I don’t know anymore.” He eyes flickered to Troye’s and saw the last of his disappointment shift to scrutinisation and a slight glimmer of hope.

“Anymore?”

Connor fumbled with his cup again and stared at where his fingers were picking at the lid, tearing the plastic. “Yeah. I don’t know how,” He started with a wavering voice. “But you’ve managed to make me question everything I thought I knew about myself.”

“Come on, not everything.” Troye tried to make him feel better.

“A lot in any case. It’s a big deal. I’ve been dating girls all my life, thinking that’s what it was supposed to be like. All my friends had girlfriends, but I never really understood why the ones in a longterm relationship felt so ecstatic about theirs. I kept thinking I hadn't found the right girl and she’d come along someday, but…” He looked up, staring through Troye’s eyes, trying to look into his soul. “Here you are. A person I had so much fun with yesterday and I thought was wonderful, but this person wasn’t a she which I always thought it would be.”

“I’m gonna tell you one thing, let you in a little secret.” Troye leaned forward slightly. “It’s really not a big deal. It’s hella confusing, yes, but it’s really not that big of a deal.” Troye shrugged casually, leaning back in his chair and sipping his latte.

“It is.”

“It’s really not.” Troye laughed. “It’s just feelings. You don’t choose who you get them for. As someone who’s ‘borderline bisexual’ I really can tell you this from experience. Just enjoy the ride, I’d say.”

“I’m just so--”

“Confused?” Troye finished for him and Connor nodded. “I get that. Well, actually I don’t really. I’ve known I was gay since I was a lot smaller. But I get the whole friends-have-a-girlfriend-I-need-one-too thing. In the end I figured, fuck it, Andrew Garfield is hot, so why waste my time on Emma Stone?”

“What do I do, though?” Connor slumped down forlornly.

“Porn.”

Connor’s eyes went wide at the single word. “I’m sorry?”

“I’m not kidding. Those videos can teach you a lot about yourself. Oh please, don’t look so shocked. Everyone watches it. Or at least has watched it.”

“That… makes a lot of sense.” Connor gaze got stuck in the upper right corner as he thought it over.

“In the meantime,” Troye planted an elbow on the table and leaned his chin on his hand, smiling flirtily. “Let’s go back to how you thought I was wonderful.”

The tension eased up and Connor laughed. “I meant it. I had a great time, despite the identity crisis afterwards. I guess that’s the reason I agreed to this. This is gonna sound so cheesy, but I guess I just followed my heart.”

“See, that’s what I was trying to say! How does it feel to follow that instead of what you think you’re supposed to be doing?” Troye asked, genuinely wanting to help him. Connor really appreciated that Troye was being so patient and calm with him. He could have anyone, but he’s here, in front of guy he met yesterday and was nothing more but the photographer.

“Amazing.” Connor let out on a relieved sigh. “I’d also like to thank you for taking this so well.”

“My pleasure, really. It’s part of the reason I became a singer, so I could help people. If not with my music, then with the power to raise money for charity and talking to people.”

“That’s really admirable.” Connor smiled sweetly.

“Thank you. I try to do what I can.”

Connor was about to respond when girl, she must’ve been about fifteen, hoovered near the table unsure of what to do. Troye spotted her and waved her over after Connor gave him an agreeing nod, conveying he didn’t mind. She came over with shuffling steps and a phone in her hands.

“Hi!” Troye said cheerfully. “How are you?”

“Hello. I’m great, thanks. You?”

“Fine, yeah. Would you want a photo?” She nodded eagerly. “Could you, Connor?” He asked, the other nodding and got handed the phone.

The girl and Troye exchanged a few more words, him asking her not to post it until later today and she agreed easily. They said their goodbyes and Troye sat back down.

“Sorry about that.” Troye apologised.

“Nah, it’s cool. I’d be the same as her, so I understand. Besides, she was nice. Didn’t expect that.” Connor was pleasantly surprised.

“Most of them are. It’s really the media saying all teenage girls are crazy. Plus, my audience is already a bit older because of my content and my image which isn’t all fake and played-up. It’s just chill. I’ve got a good fanbase, I’m quite proud of that.” Troye changed when talking about his fans. He changed in a way that he radiated pride and awe and it suited him wonderfully.

And just like that the boys began talking, first about Troye’s life: how he got into music, how this job has been for him, every good and bad thing. Then Connor opened up a little more to let him know about his personal life, skirting around the topic of romantic relationships, but telling about his family and friends. It seemed they had a common friend and neither knew, Tyler was respectful of Troye and didn’t like telling he knew him because of all the bullshit people would do to get to know Troye through Tyler.

They sat and talked and bantered back and forth for two hours with some flirting involved which Connor at first didn’t know what to do with, but eventually just threw all caution to the wind and followed his instincts. Troye picked up on it and smiled just that little bit wider every time he’d flirt back.

After another half hour, Troye’s phone buzzed angrily where it was placed down on the the table between them. He checked it quickly and his face fell. “I completely forgot I have to be at the studio today.” His fingers flew across the screen to type out a message to the other person. “Have we really been here for so long? I lost track of time.”

“Time flies when you have fun.” Connor said simply, collecting his stuff and getting out his camera (he didn’t go anywhere without it). While Troye was gathering his own things, Connor sneakily snapped a photo. He wanted to keep something physical of this. He didn't plan on doing anything with it, on the contrary, he wanted to keep it for no one else but him.

Troye looked beautiful in the autumn sun’s light beaming around him halo-like. If Connor didn’t know any better, he’d think Troye wasn’t even human, he was something beyond. A shake of his head brought Connor back from his ever present stream of thoughts and stood up along with his date. It felt strange, yet good to think that.

“Promise to call?” Troye asked looking up at Connor through his long eyelashes.

“I will. Text me whenever you’re free and we can work something out, okay?” Where he found the confidence, Connor didn’t know, but he mentally patted himself on the back for alluding to another date.

“Alright, cool!” Troye hesitated momentarily, not really knowing how to part with him, but determination showed in his face as he leaned forward and kissed Connor’s right cheek before darting out the shop quickly.

Yet again, Troye has left Connor in a state of trance with his mouth slightly open and his fingers brushing the spot that still burned with the ghost of Troye’s lips. This time though, it wasn’t himself that brought him back, but the waitress who snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Look, man, I know he’s dreamy, but you can’t stand here forever.” She said amused. Connor apologised and went on his own way, remembering he had a job this afternoon and that he still needed to buy some groceries.

&&

Friday night, Connor was sitting on the couch with an almost empty pizza box in front of him and flicking through the channels when his phone rang.

He answered without checking the caller ID. “Hello?”

The other lined filled his ears with loud thumping music and a drawling voice. “Conorrrrrr.”

Connor smiled to himself at an inebriated Troye. “I think it’s time you stop with the tequila shots now.”

“Have I told you that I think you’re pretty? Because you’re pretty.” Troye giggled. Connor could hear what must be some of his friends on the other line fighting him for the phone. “Come over. I wanna see you.” He whined like a child.

“Troye, go home. You’re drunk.”

“Not before I see you.” Again, Connor heard fighting for the phone and Troye protesting, but eventually whoever was on the other line got the upperhand.

“Hello, this is Zoey. I’m very sorry about this.” A cheery british girl sounded through the phone.

“Hi, I’m Connor. Please get him home before --”

“No! Connor!” Troye yelled, obviously still hearing him.

Connor sighed, turned off the TV and stood up from the couch to go to his room. “Hey Zoey? Where are you?”

 

Half an hour and a cab ride later, Connor was greeted with a hug from a very clingy Troye and his friends. “Hi.” Troye smiled up at him with his arms still around Connor who smiled back amused.

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

“Okay, let’s stop this before we get into an endless cycle of greetings. Do you maybe want to let go of me now?” Connor laughed.

“Nah, you’re warm, wait, you’re hot.” Troye clicked his tongue and pointed a finger at him while dragging out and ‘eyyyy’.

“So you’re Connor?” A pretty, brunette asked. “He can’t stop mentioning you. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

“Zoey, right?” Connor guessed, recognising the voice from the phone, she nodded her head in confirmation. “Nice to meet you.”

“Connor!?” That was another high-pitched voice he recognised. “Oh my god, hi!” Tyler pushed himself through the crowd, careful not to spill his half-full glass. “It’s so good to see you! Girl, where have you been? Wait, how do you know Troye?”

“Tyler, hi! I did a shoot and we kinda just kept talking? I don’t know, it just kinda happened.” He greeted his friend with an awkward hug since Troye was still attached to him. “I do remember that Troye had a mutual friend with me.”

Drunk Troye interrupted them, though. “Hey, Connor? Go on another date with me, please?”

Both Tyler and Connor froze momentarily. “Ok, buddy, let’s get you home first.”

Troye pouted. “I don’t wanna be your buddy.”

Connor looked up to see Tyler eyeing him confused. “Okay, what did I miss?” Tyler asked lost.

“To be honest, I’m not even sure.” Connor said exasperated.

Troye let go of Connor then and leaned towards Tyler to whisper not-so-subtly. “I think I made Connor like boys.”

Tyler laughed good-heartedly. “Alright. You do you, babe. If you ever need advice, you know where to find me.” Connor thanked the universe for Tyler’s I-don’t-care-as-long-as-you-don’t-harm-anyone attitude. Connor was not ready to deal with it all, right now. And luckily, Troye’s friends were perceptive enough to pick up that he didn’t want to talk about it. Connor took out his phone to look at the time, but Troye was looking over his shoulder and gasped when he saw the background. It was him, a few days ago in the coffee shop in black and white. He was looking down and hadn’t noticed the camera, but that made the picture so much more beautiful.

“Connor.” Troye gasped, taking the screen and tilting it his way.

“I’m sorry, was that totally invasive? I just wanted something to remember that and capture the moment and--”

“Shut up. It’s beautiful.” Troye cut off his rambling.

“Well, you are.” Connor mumbled just loud enough for Troye to hear. Both boys blushed prettily and flashed smiles at each other. After they staring had gone on for longer than appropriate, Connor caught the cat who’d stolen his tongue. “So, I should probably get you home.”

“Yeah.” It seemed Troye was still luring his own thief of a cat.

Connor grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the club after saying goodbye to all his friends, Tyler had given them a wink full of intent at which Connor had simply rolled his eyes. Once outside of the club, he told Troye to take a deep breath and asked how he was feeling. It seemed he was pleasantly buzzed, but nowhere near in the danger zone of throwing up.

Connor hailed a taxi and seated Troye inside before climbing in himself, immediately Connor felt a head drop on his shoulder and soft breathing in his neck. He shook the boy’s shoulder, but Troye seemed a heavy sleeper as he didn’t wake up. Connor didn’t have his address, so home to his own apartment it was he thought as he told the driver where to go.

By the time they’d reached his building, Troye still hadn’t woken up. Connor threw a few bills at the driver telling him to keep the change before hauling the sleeping (and luckily light) boy out of the car bridal-style. Luckily, there was a lift and after getting open the front door with as minimal bumps he could manage, he pressed the button for his floor. Opening the apartment's door was another obstacle, but soon he was safe in his own place as he laid Troye on the couch for a moment, to catch his breath.

Troye whined in his sleep, apparently not happy with something and mumbled a few incoherent words with a frown. Connor kneeled down beside him and brushed the curls from his face, shaking at his shoulder again just one last time in hopes of waking him which he did barely.

“Connor?” He murmured sleepily. “Where am I?” He wiped at his eyes, looking like a child.

“I took you home to mine since I couldn’t wake you. Do you need anything?” Connor whispered as he explained. Troye shook his head at the question. “Do you think you can get up and get in bed on your own?” Again a negative shake at which Connor laughed since he knew Troye could with enough willpower, but he indulged him nonetheless. Troye made grabby hands at Connor who gave in and carried him to the bedroom, setting him down and stripping him to his tee and underwear before tucking him in underneath the covers. He quickly changed into his own pyjamas and grabbed a blanket and pillow.

When Connor was about to leave the room, Troye whined again. “Where are you going?”

“To sleep on the couch.”

Troye freed one hand from underneath the duvet and sloppily slapped the space next to him in the double bed to get him to lay down. Connor chuckled as he walked back and leaned down over Troye to kiss his forehead. “Goodnight.” He whispered, rounding the bed and getting in on the other side. They dropped off quickly both listening to each other breathe.

&&

Troye woke up in a bed he didn’t recognise and a headache. He should really remember that he’s a bit of a lightweight. Sitting up carefully, he held his head in his hands and winced. He untangled the blurry mess that were last night’s memories and before he could freak out over having pulled a guy and now having to leave with the probability of paps spotting him, he remembered Connor. Lovely, sweet Connor who had taken him home and tucked him in.

Troye smiled a little despite the headache and turned to fetch his phone, seeing a glass of water and two painkillers placed there. He quickly swallowed them and gulped down the glass along with it. When he checked his phone then, he saw all the missed texts and other notifications. Most of them from his friends who were all in various states of excitement over ‘the cute boy who took you home. winkwink’. Fondly, Troye rolled his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

He walked through the small apartment to find Connor in the small kitchen, cooking something heavenly by the smell of it. Suddenly, he felt vulnerable in yesterday’s shirt and only his briefs. Troye knocked on the doorframe. “H-hi.” He stuttered.

Connor whipped his head around and smiled. “Hi, how are you feeling?” He murmured, probably aware of Troye’s hangover.

“Hungover, but thanks for taking care of me.” Troye looked down at the ground and fiddled with the buttons of the phone he was still holding.

“Anytime. Breakfast?” Connor piled up two plates with bacon and eggs after Troye’s affirmative nod and gestured for Troye to sit at the kitchen table where he placed the plates. Troye’s phone buzzed and lit up with another notification right as he was about to stuff a forkful of eggs in his mouth. He glanced over and promptly dropped the fork, spewing apologies.

“Oh my god, Connor, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t think anyone saw, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” He babbled.

Connor tried to calm him. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” He grabbed Troye’s wrist where he had his hand buried in his short, curly hair and massaged soothing circles at his pulse point. Troye turned the phone so Connor could see the picture of a clingy Troye hanging off his shoulder as they were trying to get home.

The article underneath it, Connor didn’t read. But a few words caught his eye such as  ‘mystery guy’ and ‘boyfriend’ and ‘hook up’. Oh. Was that why Troye was so concerned? A gossip article with, in Connor’s professional opinion, not even good pictures. It seemed so silly and a chuckle bubbled up at which Troye looked at him confused.

“Troye, did you think I was gonna be mad? I’m literally in this business, I know how much shit is in these magazines. Speculation is just that: speculation.” Connor reassured him, seeing Troye visibly relax as he said the words.

“I’m sorry.” He thunked his head on the table. “I feel so stupid now.”

Connor quickly changed the subject to make the other boy feel better. “Hey, so, if you don’t have any plans we can, I don’t know, hang out or something?” He asked bashfully, flicking a piece of bacon back and forth with his fork, resolutely staring at it and avoiding every and all eye contact with Troye.

“Connor… Wait, what’s your last name?”

“Franta.”

“Cute.” Troye quipped. “Anyways, Connor Franta, is this your way of asking me out on another date?” His voice had become easing and flirty and it made Connor feel giddy.

Connor bit his lip and nodded. “I guess it is.”

Suddenly, Troye’s face looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh fuck. Last night, I was totally inappropriate. I shouldn’t have told Tyler about you--”

“Oh, yeah, that, um. Look, man. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Outing people is something you don’t do and I crossed a line there.”

“Troye, really. Tyler knows this, too. He won’t ask until I’ve figured it out myself.”

“I know, I’m still very sorry, though. How are you doing with the whole figuring out thing, by the way? I don’t want you to feel pressured to go out with me if you don’t want to, I understand.”

“I’m starting to get there, I think.”

“Did you follow my advice.” Connor wanted to kiss the cheeky smirk right of Troye’s face. Okay, wow, wait, where did that thought come from all of the sudden? The words then registered and instead of answering, Connor blushed and stuffed the last few bits of his breakfast in his mouth.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Troye laughed, receiving a muffled ‘hey’ from the other man. “So, learn anything interesting?”

“Well, I think guys are on my radar for real now. It would explain so much.”

“Do you need a hug, a cry? You know what, fuck this. I’m gonna hug you no matter what. Congrats.” Troye scooted over and wrapped his arms around Connor who sagged into the embrace.

“Thanks. I wonder what my mom’s gonna say.” They pulled away from each other, but Troye stayed close and kept a hand on Connor’s forearm as a sort of grounding.

“Are you afraid?”

“I don’t know. I know she won’t disown me or anything. It’ll just be unexpected to her.”

“Well, no one says you have to come out to her right now. Take your time and start easy. Tell Tilly first. He’ll be the easiest.” Connor tilted his head and frowned. “Oh, I call Tyler ‘Tilly’.” Troye explained making Connor chuckle.

“I guess you’re right. But maybe some other time, I just wanna not deal with any drama right now. Can we just like stay in?”

“Course! Got any board games?” For the second time Connor pulled a confused face at Troye. “What? Monopoly can tell you a lot about a person. I like them better than having to stare at a screen. Besides, I’m not gonna see much of the film, I’ll only be staring at you.”

Connor rolled his eyes with a laugh, but blushed nonetheless. “Cheesy.” He remarked. “But I’ll go search.”

It took a while, but eventually by some miracle Connor found an old Cluedo game his ex-roommate must've left behind to collect dust. He set it up on the rug in the living area and they played, bantering back and forth all the while.

Right as Connor got up to get some snacks, Troye’s phone buzzed next to where he was splayed out on the floor on his stomach and he picked up the call.

“Hi!” Tyler’s voice sounded in his ear. “What are you doing right now.”

“I swear to god if this is another one of your pranks calls because you have strange fans, I will erase all your YouTube videos.” Troye threatened halfheartedly.

“Well fuck you, too.” Tyler laughed.

“How do you want your coffee?” Connor yelled from the kitchen.

“Half and half, thanks.” Troye yelled back.

“Who’s that? Troye, you dirty boy!” Tyler said teasingly.

“‘S just Connor.” Troye fumbled with the frayed ends of the rug.

Connor came back and handed him his drink before sitting down Indian style, silently asking who was on the phone at which Troye mouthed ‘Tyler’.

“Yeah what was the other day about?”

“Nothing.” Troye was too quick to say, confusing Connor again. Troye covered the phone with his hand. “He was asking about what I said at the club. I know you’re not-- What are you doing.” Connor snatched the phone from Troye’s grip as the latter sat up on his knees.

“Like ripping off a plaster, right?” He said to Troye before clicking the speaker button. “Hey Tyler. Um, oh this is weirder than I thought. I think I might be gay?”

“So that’s what Troye meant? Also, feel my invisible hug! Can you feel it? I’m proud of you okay?” Connor could guess Tyler really meant it and was getting a little emotional.

“Thanks.” Connor didn’t really know what to say.

“So are you two dating?” Tyler didn’t beat around the bush and instead got straight to the point, catching Troye and Connor by surprise.

It went silent in the room as the two boys tried to figure out an answer by trying to mentally communicate which didn’t work out so well. In the end they just stared until Tyler’s voice broke the quiet. “Hello? Did you hang up on me?”

“Um- It’s undefined, I guess?” Troye eventually answered for the both of them, his voice lilting up at the end to make it question in case Connor wanted to change the statement.

“It’s all cool. You do you.” Connor was honestly so grateful for Tyler, he might come off strong, but the guy was an absolute blessing when it came to this kind of stuff. “It was good to hear you two. And Con, you know where to find me for anything at all.”

“I do, Tyler. Thanks. Oh, before you go, could you, like, keep this on the DL? You’re the first one I’ve told so far and--”

“It’s all good. I get it. Alright, I’ll see you soon. Bye!”

The two of them said their own goodbyes before Troye swung himself at Connor to hug him tightly. “I’m so proud of you.” Troye whispered in his ear.

“Thanks.” Connor let out a shaky breath. “Is it normal that I feel strange? Like shaking and stuff?”

Troye pulled back. “Absolutely. Coming out is probably one of the weirdest experiences and it can be very scary. Do you need me to do anything?”

“I know you said you didn’t want to, but can we just watch a movie? I feel like I need to clear my head.”

“How about a walk instead?” Troye suggested. “The fresh air will do you good. We’ve been holed up in here for the whole day.”

Connor nodded in agreement and Troye got up to get both of their coats, Connor following him at a slower pace, still processing. When both of them were ready, Connor checked for the essentials and they walked out the door.

The fresh air did do him good and he inhaled deeply when stood outside the building. Troye silently grabbed his hand and softly pulled him along. They’d been walking for five minutes before Connor noticed they were still holding hands and he tensed, in turn making Troye stop.

“Oh, sorry. I just-- I didn’t even think about it.” He stuttered and retracted his hand, but Connor tightened his grip.

“No, I’m-- It’s fine. I just didn’t know what to think for a moment. But it’s fine.” He smiled softly, seeing the lights in Troye’s big blue eyes light up as a blush crept up his cheeks. He shifted their hands so their fingers intertwined before silently checking if it was okay, and walking on when he found no hesitation on Connor’s eyes, their hands swinging lightly in between them.

They didn’t speak for a long while, they only were. They were there with each other, existing, thinking, and taking it all in. Troye put the ball in Connor’s court, leaving enough space in all his actions for Connor to make him feel as comforted as he could. He also left up silence or sound up to him, choosing not to speak until Connor would.

Troye got so caught up in his thoughts about worrying over making Connor feel safe, when he felt himself being pulled along, it startled him, yet still he didn’t question it, only followed until he let out a giggle seeing where they were headed.

“What? Ice cream is the answer to everything.” Connor shrugged like it was self-explanatory.

Entering the ice cream parlor, a few girls whispered as they stared at them, but they didn’t give them any attention. Troye was fully focused on Connor who was rattling off his order before he did so as well.

“You can go, if you want.” Connor told him with a nod to the girls as they seated themselves at a table.

“No, this is about you. Everything else doesn’t matter right now.” Troye said firmly.

“I won’t mind, you know. I’m alright, I’m just… adapting.”

“I know, and I want to be there because I don’t want you to have to do it alone.”

“Troye, I’m fine.” Connor was about to tell him to go when the girls themselves approached them.

“Hello, could we take a picture with you?” One of the three asked.

Troye opened his mouth to protest, but Connor was quicker. “He’d love to.” With a pointed look, he urged Troye to get up and Troye took over from there. He said hello to every girl and hugged them before receiving a phone from one of them and giving it to Connor for the photo.

“Thank you so much. You’re such an inspiration. You helped me come out to my mom. So thank you.” Troye often heard this from fans he met and online, but it always warmed his heart to know he had helped someone who was struggling.

“You did that all on your own. I am very proud of you.” He told her at which she thanked him again profusely before they left out the door.

“See? I’m still fine. I really don’t mind it.” Connor said.

“I know you are. I just worry a lot.”

“It’s cute.” Connor mumbled and Troye giggled.

“You’re cute. Very.”

In reply, Connor pressed his ice cream into Troye’s nose and the latter squawked. “Shut up.” Connor added. Troye pouted which looked ridiculously childish with his big eyes and Connor grabbed his napkin, taking Troye’s chin in his hand and cleaning his nose. “There. Happy now.” He nudged Troye’s shin with his foot, but found he couldn’t retract is since Troye had trapped it in between his own.

“This foot’s mine now.”

“I’m on a date with I child, I swear.” Despite his lament, Connor was smiling.

The rest of the day they spent strolling around the city, walking and talking and just getting to know each other. Connor had to admit that this was perhaps the most plain thing he’s done, but he hasn’t enjoyed anything more either. They window-shopped, pointing at all the weird things, and made up stories about the people they passed. Connor took pictures to filter them later for his instagram and sneaked a few of Troye to keep for himself, unfiltered. Because Troye didn’t need it, he was beautiful the way he was.

They were stopped only a handful of times, but neither minded. Everyone was nice enough, so it wasn’t a bother. Connor even foregoed tensing up when people came up to them the second time, knowing he was holding Troye’s hand. Luckily, no one asked, they definitely saw, but decided against it. Troye was lucky to have fans that were respective like that.

When the sun started to set, it seemed like a good time to return home. Troye had told Connor he would take a cab home, but would walk all the way back with him to his apartment first even though Connor had protested. Troye even walked him up all the way to his door.

“You could still come in for a coffee or something.” Connor offered, not wanting this to end just yet.

“As much as I’d like that, I actually do need to get something done tomorrow and I have all sorts of stuff that need to be handled. But call me anytime if you wanna hang out again and we’ll make it work.”

“Sure, I will. You, too. Don’t be a stranger, alright?”

“Cool.”

“Cool.” Connor echoed.

A not-yet-awkward silence fell over them for a moment as Troye’s eyes travelled over his face. “Hey, Connor.” He whispered, continuing at Connor’s quiet ‘hm’. “Can I-- Can I kiss you?” Troye took a tentative step forwards, testing the waters, but did nothing further as he saw the torn look behind Connor’s eyes. The stood close, their noses a mere two inches away from each other.

Connor gave an almost imperceptible nod and Troye leaned in slowly, giving Connor enough time to change his mind, Troye’s eyes flickering between the other two before he finally deemed it okay and brushed their lips together.

It was nothing more than just that, a brush. If Connor hadn’t been so hyperaware of everything, he might not have even felt it. Troye pulled back, but Connor chased his lips to press them together more firmly, the brush now a real kiss. It lingered on as Troye’s fingers ghosted over Connor’s jaw line with just the tips. They parted only the slightest bit, Troye biting his own lower lip to contain his smile, rubbing their noses together before pulling back completely with a squeeze of their intertwined fingers.

“I’ll see you soon.” Troye breathed.

“Okay, bye.” Connor smiled.

“Bye.” Troye didn’t move, he just stared.

What could’ve been hours, but were probably just a few minutes they stood there silently, until Connor burst out laughing. “This is ridiculous.”

“I really don’t mind. You make me want to be ridiculous.”

“You make me want to be brave and be me.” The happy atmosphere changed into a serious one. Not bad, but heavy. Heavy with so many things left unsaid that one day will be said, when the time is right.

“You can’t say things like that and expect me to not kiss you.” Troye was already coming closer as he said this.

“I’m not stopping you, am I?” It was all the incentive Troye needed to lean back in and kiss Connor firmly, yet sweetly, pulling his in by his neck. This time, it lasted longer and Connor made sure it did by holding onto Troye by his waist.

“I will have to go sometime.” Troye got out in between their kisses, Connor shaking his head and shutting him up with his mouth. “I will. Work and stuff to do.” He gave Connor one more peck before untangling himself. “I’ll see you later. I promise.”

“Okay.” Connor sighed, half disappointed, half satisfied. “Yeah, I’ll see you. Bye.” He gave a two-fingered wave and watched Troye wink as he stepped to the stairs and went home.

If Connor kept trying to remember the feel of their lips sliding together and kept touching his own and possibly even dreamed about it, well, no one had to know, but him.

&&

“So, Troye.” Ellen began. Holy fuck Ellen Degeneres, Troye was actually sitting opposite her and being interviewed by her? His fourteen year old self would pee his pants if he knew. “Who’s this.” She said overly curious and pointed at the screens that showed a picture of him hand in hand with Connor as they walked down the street, smiling at each other and oblivious to the camera.

Troye buried his face in his hands. “A friend.” He said unconvincingly, but he was smiling behind his palm.

“A friend, huh?” She teased. “Looking quite cosy there. Are you sure he’s just a friend?”

He knew she meant it in a teasing manner, but Troye genuinely didn’t know what to answer. He’d agreed with Connor to take it slow, but they’d never defined anything. He also didn’t want to assume and say something Connor wasn’t okay with.

As if she seemed to notice his inner struggle she called out for a break. “I was just teasing, but we can cut it out if you want to.”

“No, it’s fine. I just think I need a minute.” Troye stood up to move to a more secluded space and got out his phone. Connor luckily picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, aren’t you recording an interview with Ellen right now?” Connor sounded confused.

“Yeah, I am. That’s why I’m calling. She asked about you since there are pictures of us. I mean they can cut it out, but I just needed to ask you --”

“Spit it out, Troye.” Connor sighed.

“Will you be my boyfriend? I sound like a twelve year old, I know. I didn’t want to assume if you’re not on the same page.”

“Yes. Wait, were you calling to confirm it on national television?” Troye couldn’t figure out how Connor felt about that.

“Um, yeah. But as I said, they can cut it out if you don’t want to.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” He sighed again. “I just wish I could be there with you.” He whispered.

“Me too.” Troye breathed.

The line went silent for a moment, the two of them just listening to each other’s breathing until Connor cursed when Troye could hear noise in the background. “I have to go, now. But, quickly one thing before I go. Come over tonight? I think I have a lot of explaining to do to my family and I’d like for you to be there.”

“Fuck, you’re working aren’t you. Sorry, sorry. But yeah I’ll-shit. I didn’t even think about that. Look it’s fine, I’ll ask them to edit it out, It’s no--” The radars in Troye’s head already spinning in figuring it all out.

“No! Troye. I really don’t mind. The only thing that needs to happen is my mom knowing before she finds out through the tv. She’s a massive Ellen fan, so there’s no way she won’t find out. But really, it’s fine.”

“You sure?” Troye bit his lip with worry.

“Yes! Now go! I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, see you tonight, bye.” And right at the moment he disconnected the call, Ellen chose to come get him. He quickly explained all was fine and that they could keep it in.

The camera started rolling again and Ellen started up her interview with the picture of him and Connor. He wasn’t ever more proud to say that, yes, he had a boyfriend who was very lovely. He was smart enough to avoid all personal questions and Ellen let it slide easily which he was thankful for.

They wrapped up the rest of the interview quickly, talking about his album and his upcoming tour and some people he’s met at events and such. He was standing at the snacks table, stuffing a mini-sandwich in his mouth when his phone buzzed.

Turn around

Troye was confused to have gotten a text like that from Connor. What did he mean by that? He soon found out when he turned his head to see his boyfriend -and damn that felt good- smirking at him while his cheeks bulged with the food. “Very sexy.” Connor deadpanned and snorted as Troye tried to swallow down the food before throwing himself at Connor in a tight hug.

“Hi. How did you get in here?” Troye smiled as he pulled back.

“Lucky coincidence.” Connor shrugged. “The right people at the right time otherwise I wouldn’t have made it here.”

“I’m so glad you’re here, this is the best surprise.” Connor could see his eyes twinkling, literally.

“That’s great, but now please kiss me before I go insane.” Connor rushed out in one breath.

Troye did, he grabbed onto Connor’s lapels and tugged him forward to plant a sweet kiss on his lips. Connor sighed into it, sighed like the feeling you get when lying in your bed after a long day.

“I really needed that. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Connor whispered in between their mouths.

Troye was the first to put some space between them and forced his expression to be serious. “Look, I promised you to take it slow. Are you sure this is all okay with you? I mean, the only other person you’ve come out to is Tyler. You haven’t even told your mom. It’s not too late yet I can still--”

Connor silenced him with a kiss. “I know what I said, but that was then and this is now. I am fine with where we are at.” Connor cupped both his cheeks and looked him in the eyes. “You have changed my life and brought out a part in me I didn’t even know existed. I want to show everyone who I really am.”

Troye held him by the wrists and kissed him again, trying to convey how wonderful he thought Connor to be. “That was beautiful. But suddenly I have the urge to sing ‘This Is Me’ from Camp Rock.”

Connor gave a shocked laugh at Troye’s strange response and pushed at his shoulder. “You asshole.”

“Yeah, but you like me anyways.”

“You’re lucky I do.” Connor tangled their fingers together. “Come on, let’s go.”

“No wait.” He pulled Connor in the opposite direction right to where-- Connor choked, that was Ellen Degeneres. “Hello.”

“Hi, Troye? And you must be the boyfriend.” She greeted them cheerily.

“Connor, yes, hi, big fan.” Connor stuttered through him being flustered.

“Would you mind taking a picture.” Troye asked casually. Connor’s eyes were about to bulge out of his head.

“No, of course not.” At her answer, Troye got out his phone and tugged Connor who was still starstruck into the frame of the selfie before it clicked.

“I feel kind of offended. You weren’t like that with me the first time I met you.” Troye nudged his hip against Connor’s.

“Hey, I didn’t know who you were. And even if I did, I am a professional capable of keeping himself in check.” Connor defended half-heartedly.

Troye laughed. “I don’t think dating your clients is very professional.”

“You two are adorable.” Ellen interrupted them at which they both blushed.

“Thanks. It’s his puppy eyes mostly. At least I think so.” Troye awe’d hearing those words come from Connor. “Hey,” Connor turned to Troye. “I already set up a skype meeting with my mom for later tonight, so we shouldn’t wait too long.”

They said their goodbye’s to everyone and walked out the building to where Connor had parked his car and drove them to his place. They settled themselves each with a cup of coffee,  and bowl of M&M’s so Connor would have something to do with his hands. The laptop was set up on the coffee table and Troye moved further down the couch, just out of the view of the camera before Connor started up the call.

“Hi, sweetheart!” His mother, Cheryl, answered. “How are you?”

“Hi, mom. I’m good. You?” Connor tried his best to hide how nervous he actually was, hoping she couldn’t pick up on that.

“Very good. What have you been up to. Are you liking that job you started?”

“The new job is great, yeah. Haven’t been doing much, just saw some friends and such.” Connor smiled, but a bit too fake it seemed as his mother’s face changed.

“Connor, is something wrong?” She asked concerned. “You know you can always tell me. If you need help, we’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks mom, nothing’s wrong. I just need to talk to you and, well, the rest of the family, I guess.”

She eyed him suspiciously before getting up and calling through the house. “Connor’s on Skype, come say hi!”

Within a few moments, his three siblings and father had gathered around the screen next to his mother everyone greeting him and he said his hello’s back.

“So, there is actually a reason why I needed to talk to you. It was all a bit sudden and some stuff has happened, but I thought I needed to be the one to tell you before you found out some other way, which is pretty likely, but--”

“Connor!” Nicola cut him off. “Get to the point.”

Connor took a shaky breath and looked down at his hands. “I’m gay.”

The room went silent before one voice whispered to him, but it wasn’t one of his his family, it was Troye. “You okay?” Connor looked to the side and nodded

“Connor? Is there someone with you?” This time it was his family, Dustin in particular.

Connor nodded again before looking over at Troye and nudging his head to indicate that he could come closer. A soft smile spread on Troye’s face as he scooted closer and waved awkwardly.

“Hi, I’m--”

“Holy fuck, you’re Troye Sivan.” Nicola blurted out. “Sorry, sorry. That was just a bit unexpected. Wait, wow. Is this what it seems?” She asked.

Connor grabbed Troye’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I guess. Troye is my boyfriend.”

His father was confused on how this all happened and Connor explained everything. Starting with the photoshoot and then being so confused about everything to Troye helping him out and being kind and patient to today with the Ellen show where Troye had officially confirmed it hence why Connor was so urgent to speak to them.

“Do you still love me.” Connor asked with a fragile voice after he’d finished his explanation.

Everyone’s face softened. “Of course we do. Why would you think not?” Cheryl said.

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know. Thank you.” He said into the camera before turning his head to Troye. “Thank you.” He said quieter while giving his hand a squeeze.

“We love you so much, Connor. Please come home soon and bring your boyfriend, okay?”

“Okay, mom. I love you guys too.” A chorus of love you’s came through the speakers.

“Oh and Troye.” The boy sit up a little at the sound of his name. “It was nice meeting you.” She gave him a warm smile.

“Thank you, Mrs. Franta. It was nice meeting everyone, too.” He smiled that charming smile of his and twinkled his eyes and his mother was a goner. Connor could relate.

His father on the other hand looked serious as he spoke. “Take care of him and don’t hurt him, alright.”

“Yes, sir. I promise.” Troye didn’t seem too fazed and pulled Connor a little closer.

Soon after, the call ended and Connor slumped into the couch with a sigh, throwing an arm over his eyes. “That was... something else.” He laughed breathily.

Troye took the arm away from his face to get Connor to look at him. “I’m very proud of you, you know? Coming out isn’t always the easiest thing. Especially not in the little time you had between realizing and telling.”

“Thank you.”

“Not at all.”

“No, not just that. Just thank you for being here with me and being who you are and especially for being in my life.” Connor sat up, his eyes flickering between Troye’s. “Thank you.”

Troye couldn’t find the words to show how much Connor and his words meant to him, instead he tried to show him with the sweetest kiss he could muster. He put all his feelings in that gesture, his whole heart because he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be long before Connor would have the whole thing right in the palms of his hands.

Connor pulled back barely, his eyes still closed. “Can I tell you a secret?” Connor whispered in the space between their mouths. Troye nodded before rubbing their noses together. “It scares me how much I’m feeling for you. I think-- I think I might fall for you.”

“I feel the same. It’s okay. I’ll catch you, if you catch me.” Troye grinned.

“I promise. All I need right now is you.” This was the closest Connor would get to saying those three little words. He couldn’t, not yet, but soon he would. He could feel it.

Troye didn’t waste time before leaning in again and pinning Connor to the couch to kiss him silly. It worked as far as Troye could tell. Connor went willingly as Troye laid him down and he climbed in between Connor’s legs which wrapped around his waist to keep him there. Troye kissed him all over his face, his lips, his nose, his forehead, his temple, his cheeks, his everything. In the meanwhile Connor had started giggling slowly ebbing to a chuckle to a full on laugh.

His laugh was probably the most beautiful sound Troye had ever heard, he would make the next album just one of Connor laughing, he didn’t even care of it would sell. To him, it would be the most beautiful music ever produced. Connor’s laugh died out after a while, though.

“Don’t stop.” Troye said against his lips. “I love when you laugh.” Connor laughed a little taken aback, but pulled Troye down by his neck. He could’ve laid there for hours kissing the wonderful boy on top of him. Unfortunately, phones existed with extremely annoying ringtones.

Troye dropped his head into Connor’s shoulder and groaned displeased before sitting up and grabbing for his phone on the coffee table. “Hello?” Connor couldn’t make out what was happening on the other end of the line, but at Troye’s shocked expression, it must’ve been important. The call ended quickly and Troye sprung up from the couch gathering his stuff in a frenzy.

“I’m so sorry, I completely forgot I was supposed to be at the studio today to record and work on some new stuff.” Troye was halfway to the door when he stopped turned back, walked over to where Connor was sitting up on the couch watching him like a startled deer and leaned over him. Troye leaned down with a soft smile and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you later okay?” Connor smiled back and pushed himself up once more for a last goodbye kiss before Troye went out the door with a wave.

&&

“And now, here with us is the lovely Troye Sivan! Hi, How are you doing?” The radio presenter said cheerily. Connor turned the volume up in his headphones as he started flicking through the pictures at his desk to work on them before he had to sent them through for printing. He smiled when Troye’s soothing voice chimed in his ears.

“Hi! Hello, I’m very well, thank you.”

“So, Troye you will be presenting your new single here for the first time.”

“I will, yes. And I hope everyone likes it.”

“Stay tuned because Troye will still be here with us and talk to us about his new single. You can call in with all your  question because he will be taking those, as well. But first we will play it for you, so here’s Troye Sivan and his new song For Him.”

An electronic intro started and was muffled before Troye’s voice started singing the words in his ears led by a staccato piano and a drumkit.

We are runnin' so fast and we never look back and whatever I lack, you make up. We make a really good team and though not everyone sees, we got this crazy chemistry between us.

It was beautiful, Connor thought. So simple, yet heartwarming. He wondered where the inspiration had come from before realisation dawned on him as the chorus started up.

You don’t have to say ‘I love you’ to say ‘I love you’. Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons. We’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue. Sickeningly sweet like honey, don’t need money. All I need is you.

Connor got his phone out of his pocket, pulled off one of the speakers of his headphones and dialed Troye’s number. It didn’t even ring before he picked up and Connor blurted out: “You wrote a song for me!” Perhaps a little too loud as he now noticed a few eaves-droppers, their eyes unfocused on their computer screens, but their ears almost visibly tuned in on his phone conversation. Ever since the Ellen interview had come out, he’d noticed the stares, but no one had said anything so far which he deemed good. He’d been scared for a moment it might’ve affected his job, but so far so good.

Troye’s chuckled echoed in his ears. “So, I did. Do you like it?”

“I fucking love it.” He was screaming in a whispering manner, trying to contain himself, but it probably didn’t work since he could feel his own face being the epitome of excitement. “It’s perfect and beautiful and you used what I said to you which is just--” Connor couldn’t find the words to describe what he was feeling right now as his eyes misted over.

“Look, babe. I’ll call you back, okay? I have to hang up, now.” Connor could hardly say his own goodbye before the line cut off and the interviewer in his other ear started up again.

“That was the wonderful Troye Sivan with his new single For Him. And we have him here in the studio with us to talk about this new song. So, Troye what’s the story behind this one.”

“I wrote it not too long ago actually because of something that was said to me by a very special person. It stuck and I just wrote, it came almost naturally.”

“Is this the special person you talked about a few days ago on Ellen?”

“It is, yeah. He’s become a bit of a source of inspiration ever since I met him.”

“So why decide to choose this song as a single since you wrote it not long ago?”

“We felt it was right. I sat down with my amazing team, special shout out to them, and after they heard the song, they found it a better choice that the one we had originally planned.”

“Alright, alright, cool. So, the phones are bursting with messages from your fans and everyone is eager to give you theirs, so I guess we’ll jump straight in with the first one. Hello, caller number one!”

“Hello! Hi Troye!” An excited girl’s voice sounded shrill through the speakers.

“Hi, what’s your name?” Troye answered.

“Laura.”

“Hello, Laura. So what’s your question?”

“Um okay uh, first of all I want to say that you are amazing and I love you very much and my question is what is your favourite thing to do in your spare time?”

“Uh, hang out with friends, write some music and just generally chill out. Nothing special.”

“Going on dates with the new boyfriend will probably be on that list, as well.” The radio presenter interrupted.

“Yeah, I guess it is now.” Troye chuckled. “Alright, thank you for your question!”

The girl thanked him before the phone was hung up and they moved on to the next caller.

The next caller was a shy boy who said hello, told him Troye was his role model and asked what song his favourite was off the new album. Troye answered him as sweetly as he always did with his fans and again they went off to the next caller. This went on for about two more times before the radio host announced the last question they would be taking.

“Hi! I’m Connor.” Troye smiled as the voice filled his headphones.

“Well, hello there Connor.” Troye answered coyly. “What would your question be?”

“You see, I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight yet?”

“I don’t know, what did you have in mind.” Troye giggled.

“You’ll find out but first you have to answer my question. Will you go on a date with me?”

“Of course, you idiot.” Troye sighed fondly as he rolled his eyes, even though Connor wouldn’t be able to see.

“Cool. Then I’ll see you tonight. Make sure to dress warm.” Connor wouldn’t say what they were going to do, but he sure as hell would let Troye try and guess with this little hint.

“Okay, see you later.”

“And unfortunately, that’s all the time we have today. Thank to everyone who called, thank you, Troye, for being here with us today. Enjoy that date tonight.” The host made their outro.

“Thank you so much for having me. I definitely will enjoy that.”

“Don’t go away just yet as we will be playing another one of Troye’s songs of his EP he brought out earlier this year and after we will be playing a game with the staff here, you can follow that on our website.” They cued out as the intro of Troye’s older song stopped where the lyrics began.

Troye said his goodbyes to the whole staff of the studio before he made his way outside and called Connor up.

“Hi there!” Connor answered.

“You sneaky little shit! I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Well, I did.”

“What are we doing, though?”

“Not telling you anything apart from what I already said which is to dress warm. I’ll come pick you up at nine tonight.”

“Alright. I guess I’ll see you then.”

They hung up quickly and Connor smiled to himself as he spun his chair towards his computer again to photoshop the pictures. The goofy smile didn’t leave his face, not even when everyone told him it was starting to get creepy.

 

Five to ten and Troye was standing in front of the mirror desperately pulling at his clothes and shaking his hands through his hair.  It was three minutes to ten before a knock sounded on his door. Troye all but spurted towards it, grabbing his denim jacket with a wool lining and opened it with a blinding smile.

"Hi.” He greeted Connor and quickly pecked him on the lips.

"Ready to go?" Troye nodded at Connor’s question before the latter took his hand to pull him along to the elevator. “Hey, you painted your nails.” Connor remarked. Troye only nodded, checking if the stark white polish was still intact. “S’nice.” Troye smiled when Connor kissed his knuckles softly before dropping their hands between them again.

Silently they watched the numbers change on the little screen above the doors before Connor spoke. "Hey, so. The doorman let me in without even a question. You should probably consider moving if the security is that bad.” Connor said teasingly.

“Uh, yeah. I might’ve told him to just let you up if he saw you. I left a pic for reference.” Troye half-explained.

“I thought you must’ve said something, he talked about how I’m a great photographer and how you were gushing about my wonderful personality and--”

Troye pushed him while Connor laughed. “Shut up.” They stepped out of the elevator, throwing a wave at the aforementioned doorman before leaving the building altogether.

“If it’s any consolation, I think Nicola might be getting sick of me talking about your eyelashes.” Connor chuckled.

“Well, they are great eyelashes.”

“Yes they are, dear.” It was the last thing Connor said before he put them both to a halt. “Hop in!” He patted the side of the dark gray pick-up truck before opening the passenger door for Troye to get in.

“Okay, where the hell are we going?” Troye asked raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“One of my favourite spots. I promise I’m not gonna abduct you.” Connor walked over to the driver’s seat and climbed in before pulling away from the curb.

The silence that fell over them was comfortable, only the radio playing quietly as a background noise together with the engine revving. However, ten minutes in, Troye took it upon himself to bring some ambiance into the car and hooked up his phone to the aux-port. He scrolled for a few minutes before finding the perfect song.

“Yoooooo I’ll tell you what I want, what i really really want!” Troye sang, or rather yelled along and Connor quickly caught on, too, bellowing the next line back to his boyfriend. They sang back and forth, having the time of their lives (which was also a song they’d belted out) before the music turned softer as the night went on.

They were driving in a more rural area by now and Connor stopped the car in an open spot, the headlights provided for the most light since everything else was dark. But the moon shone down on them and lit up their skin on soft pale lighting. Troye had left his playlist he’d dubbed ‘soft’ going as Connor told him they were here.

“Where are we?” Troye asked, looking around at the open field with a few trees littered along it, feeling soft earth underneath his feet instead of hard concrete.

“Like I said, my favourite spot.” Connor disappeared into the car again, head first, butt sticking out. He quickly retrieved a few blankets and loads of pillows and threw them into the back before climbing in. It was now that Troye noticed the air mattresses that were already laid out there.

Connor stuck out a hand to help Troye up and shifted him onto his chest so they were both lying comfortably, looking up at the plethora of stars. Connor tightened the arm he’d swung around Troye’s shoulders. “I found it when I first moved here.” Connor started. “I was kinda lonely, so I decided to just drive for a while. Didn’t care where to or how far, just needed the escape. So I drove, until I found myself here. It was dark, just as it is now and I looked up, saw all the stars and stayed. It’s been my get away ever since.”

“It’s beautiful and peaceful.” Troye whispered.

“I’ve never shown this anyone before.” Connor confessed.

Troye moved his gaze from the sky to Connor’s eyes. “Thank you for taking me here.” He leaned forward and captured Connor’s lips with his own shortly before laying his head back down on his chest and tangling their fingers together over Connor’s stomach.

They watched for what could’ve been hours and might’ve been minutes, but felt like days. Neither cared about anything but right now as they breathed together and their heartbeats synced up.

From the front of the car, Troye’s phone was still playing songs and drifted through the silent night. “I love this song.” Troye whispered into the fabric of Connor’s t-shirt. Connor pricked up his ears to hear the lyrics crooned out by a male voice only led by a ukulele.

Shall I Stay? Would it be a sin, if I can’t help falling in love with you.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” Connor looked down at Troye whose eyes had gone a little wider at the confession and scooted upwards to kiss him passionately. Troye swung a leg over his lap and Connor moved to sit them both upwards.

Troye pulled back only the slightest bit. “I love you, too.” He whispered just before catching Connor’s lips again. “Will you say it again?”

“I love you.”

Troye couldn’t contain the smile splitting his face into and giggled into Connor’s mouth, giving little eskimo kisses with his nose. “Again.”

“You’re an idiot.” Connor laughed, lying back down onto the pillows and pulled Troye along with him, tangling their bodies together before throwing the blankets over them to keep them from the cold. It wasn’t long before the sandman came along and they both drifted off underneath and open sky littered with stars.

&&

And my beautiful boyfriend

And my beautiful boyfriend

And my beautiful boyfriend

That’s what it said, forever written there etched into the paper with black ink in the ‘thank you’ section at the back of the album. Connor had gaped for a good ten minutes at his phone when he saw the picture Troye had posted on twitter. He should be getting work done right now, but just couldn’t find the strength to think about anything but that picture.

“Hi.” A familiar voice startled him and he quickly spun on his chair and stood up coming face to face with Troye.

“You are unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable.” Connor accused him before grabbing him by the hem of his jacket and pulling him closer. Troye laughed into the kiss they shared.

“I can assume you like it then?” Troye asked, but Connor didn’t answer only kissed him again.

“I love you.” Connor said when they pulled back.

“I love you, too.” Troye stared into his eyes for a long while before he seemed to come back down to earth, having been lost in Connor’s eyes. “So, any plans for the holidays yet?”

“Nothing that can’t be rescheduled. What did you have in mind?” Connor could see Troye was a little nervous by the way he was biting his bottom lip.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come to Australia with me? My family’s been asking about you, they wanna meet you. I mean, you don’t have to.” Troye ran a hand through his curls, another one of his nervous tics. “Australia’s pretty far and I totally understand if you wanted to go see your own family, it wouldn’t--”

“I’d love to.” Connor cut him off. “I really would.”

It seemed like a weight had dropped off of Troye’s shoulders as he sagged in relief, but before anything else could happen, they were interrupted by Connor’s boss. A determined looking woman who radiated charisma, yet she was dressed casually like any other employer here. It must’ve been the red lipstick that stood out wonderfully against her dark skin.

“Connor?” Connor put some space between him and Troye, just enough to show her she had his attention. “Either go out with him or have your boyfriend leave so you can get work done. I can handle one person not doing anything, but you’re distracting the whole floor.”

Connor looked around then, everyone had their eyes trained on the famous singer and him next to Troye. How he hadn’t noticed before was a mystery even to himself, but he blamed the way Troye could make him feel like they were the only two people on this world. He blushed a flaming red as she walked back to her office and both boys burst into a fit of giggles.

“How about we take up that proposal. Lunch?” Troye asked at which Connor pulled him along out of the building.

&&

It had been quite scary at first, meeting his boyfriend’s parents, but in the end everything fell into place naturally. He’d felt at home the minute he’d walked into that house and Troye’s mum had greeted him with a crushing hug and a loud ‘welcome to the family’. Troye’s siblings had been a lot calmer as was his father, but Connor loved every single bit of it.

Perhaps the weirdest thing was that it was the middle of summer. Christmas in the middle of the summer. Absolutely crazy! Absolutely amazing! It was the twenty-fourth of December and he was lounging by the pool with a book in hand.

“Here you go.” Troye said, handing him a refreshingly cold drink.

“This is the weirdest experience of my life.” Connor remarked dryly.

“What?”

“It’s freaking Christmas and I am sweating so hard.” He waved his makeshift bookmark over his face as if to prove his point.

“You should’ve seen me when I was little and found out that it snowed on Christmas in America. My tiny little brain exploded that moment.” Troye laughed, Connor following him as he went to sit down on the lounge chair facing Connor.

Their giggles soon died out and Troye stood up from the chair, dragging Connor with him. “What are you doing?” Connor asked warily, but before he could do anything else, Troye had already pulled him up and pushed him off the edge into the water. He fell into it with a high-pitched squawk and came back up sputtering. “I hate you.” He said in the most fond way.

Troye sat with his feet in the water and a smug smile on his face. “No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t and you’re fucking lucky I don’t.” Connor swam closer to where Troye was sitting and pushed himself up a little as Troye leaned himself down, but right before their lips could meet, Connor grabbed him by the waist and dragged him into the water as well. Their laughs were loud as they tried to win the water war that had started.

“Boys!” Troye’s mum shouted at them and they stopped abruptly, looking up at where she stood with her hands on her hips. “I’d like to keep the water in the pool, thank you.”

They both apologised like little schoolboys who’d been caught with their hands in the cookie jar before she walked away with an amused sigh. They got out of the water then, deciding that was the best idea since they didn’t want to upset her anymore and they both laid on their backs perpendicular to each other on the side along the pool, their head towards each other.

“What are we doing tonight, by the way?” Connor asked, since Troye had never told him what they were going to do on Christmas eve.

“Barbeque on the beach. It’s become a tradition, but ugh, I hate sand.” Troye threw an arm over his eyes to protect them from the sun.

Connor flipped himself over onto his front and leaned over Troye. “Don’t worry, I’ll just throw you back into the pool.” He joked before leaning down completely and brushing their lips together. That’s also when they heard a shutter go off.

“You two are so precious.”

“Oh my God, mum.” Troye groaned like a teen with embarrassing parents, which Connor could actually understand why here, but he only chuckled lowly before pecking Troye’s nose and getting up to go back inside.

 

The sun was setting, peeking out about halfway of the horizon that cut the dark blue sea from the bright orange sky. Behind them, people were chatting amicably, a laugh sticking out every now and then, but neither really paid attention to it as they sat side by side with their knees up, their ankles tangled. Connor pulled the blanket a little closer around them. During the day it got really warm, but the temperature was dropping and when the wind picked up, it got a bit nippy.

The boys didn’t say anything to each other, there was no need for them to do that. They only stared off into the distance together. The bubble that had fitted itself around them was comfortable and they clung to it.

Troye put his head on Connor’s shoulder and smiled softly letting out a satisfied sigh as Connor turned to kiss the crown of his head. He then twisted his cup into the sand so it stood firmly and tangled his fingers with Troye’s, wrapping his other hand around it and kissing Troye’s knuckles before keeping it close to his chest, his thumb rubbing back and forth over to top of it.

Connor thought back on only a few hours ago when they’d all exchanged gifts. The look on Troye’s face was priceless when his jaw had dropped at the collage of photo’s Connor had made. All the individual pictures were beautiful, but if you took a step back, they formed one large portrait of Troye.

But the true highlight of the night for Connor was Troye’s gift to him. A song. A bit of a ridiculous one, but it was cute nonetheless. Connor hadn’t been able to stop smiling all throughout it as Troye kept crooning about how they were his OTP. They’d both cackled when Troye finished it and gave him a thumb drive with the recording.

Connor grinned at the memory, this boy had walked into his life and turned it upside down without his control. He’d never experienced anything better. He never wanted anything better either. Because this was it to him, just being here, loving and being loved.

It was all he ever could wish for.

It was all he ever wanted.

It was all he ever needed.


End file.
